No locusts.......phew!
so far so good. no locusts......
I will say though, coming home after the car debacle on Thursday with no dogs was lonely. As much as I have been wallowing in all the 'could-have-beens ' I thought a night at home without the dogs would be somewhat relaxing; a day off from a morning woods walk sounded good, but there is no life there without them! They fill up the corners of the house, my Corn Nut (Saffron) and Stink Butt (Basil).
The morning came fast and furious. You know how it is when you are getting ready to leave to the airport; the OMG-am-I-going-to make-it-on-time stress really gets the juices flowing!
I made it to the airport, parked in way BFE economy parking and got through security without issue.
By the time I got on the plane, though, I felt numb. I even teared up a few times on the flight. Maybe this is the last few throws of letting it go, retrospectively. I cannot identify what is wrong with me. I miss HIM because I still can’t wrap my mind around what happened and why; I miss my FH because he’s still there for me when I need but doesn't want to come home. I don’t understand life, but maybe that’s the point; accepting aloneness must be the lesson.
I make my transfer and got to New Mexico. Lynn is there, with the car, and off we go to the hotel in Santa Fe. A beautiful drive in. The scenery reminds me of the far eastern part of our state, at least so far. Vast and rugged, far different from the Pacific woods on the western section of our state.
We are staying at a beautiful luxury hotel (www.eldoradohotel.com) and I’m starting to settle in to the change of scenery. We have a delicious dinner and settle in after an initial reconnaissance of the town. I still feel old and used up. Have I aged this much in such a short period of time? I feel like I look in the mirror and don’t recognize nor like the person looking back at me.
Acceptance is more difficult than I thought but to quote Tom Petty, "if you're not getting older, you're dead", so better start figuring a way to move forward, again.
